Third Chance - February 2021

Many people feel as though they have been given a second chance in life, foillowing major surgery, or an illness or accident.

I am up to my third chance. After 2 lots of major surgery, now, I am feeling blessed and frightened, a blank canvas and weighed down by the details of my previous lives. It is time for me to let go of the imaginary control, and to take care of myself, my body, my soul, my mind, and to learn to live anew.

It sounds corny. I had a 9 hour operation, a week in ICU and another on the ward and now another gently shuffling around the house and to doctors appointments. I still have to be very careful getting in and out of bed so i dont overstretch my abdominal muscles (what is left of them). I had an horrendous experience on ketamine, the pain killer, where hallucinations made me believe i was in hell and other imagined dangers. Now i am alive again! No, not quite. I am still numb in my heart and soul - having trouble finding emotions or God. I am tired and scared and impatient to be utterly better, but not truly believing i ever will be again, perhaps even, that I ever was well.

So, how do i put my best foot forward, how do i leap faithfully into new possibilities. Good question, stay tuned to see if i can.